Affair or Just a friend? What is an emotional affair?

By | January 15, 2023

So, What is an emotional affair? I’m finding more and more couples arguing about and even arguing for their friendships of the opposite sex. We’ve been friends since middle school or we’ve known each other since high school. We’ve never dated. We’ve never hooked up. They’re like a brother or sister to me. Our families used to vacation together. I’ve known them forever. Listen, I’ve heard every excuse in the book for why a person should be able to maintain an opposite sex friendship when they get into a committed relationship or marriage, I personally believe that there is a thin line between friendship and emotional affair and that’s what I want to address today on relations shot. Alright, let’s talk opposite sex friendships. In talking to a lot of people, I’ve come to realize that there’s a lot of lack of self-awareness and a lot of self-deception. In this area. So I want to make it plain for you. I’m going to do some things today to add clarity to the question of is it a friendship or is it crossed over the line into an emotional affair, and I want to start giving you clarity with a little quiz. So you need to answer these questions for me and we’ll talk a little bit more about it. So answer these questions. Do you confide more to your friend than to your partner about how you’re dealing with, do you discuss negative feelings about your relationship with your friend. Are you open with your partner about the extent of communication with your friend? Would you feel comfortable if your partner heard your conversations with your friend, do you and your friend touch differently when you’re alone versus when others are around? Does your friend pay more attention to you than your partner does, have you ever deleted a message from your friend and finally, is there any sexual attraction if you answered those questions honestly, then I can promise you there is already some clarity that you’re feeling right now now that clarity may be a pit in your stomach about that friendship. It may be assurance that you’re all good or you may be arguing in your head with some of the questions, you know. Stuff like, well, I mean, I sort of see what he’s saying there, but I think you can also look at it this way. That’s all we need to say.

How to seperate emotional affair from cheating?

But if you’ve answered those eight questions and maybe you’re kind of fifty fifty, you’re like, well, some of those feel like maybe there’s a line cross. But others I definitely haven’t crossed the line. Let’s dig a little deeper and this time instead of asking questions that clearly have crossed the line, I want to give you some characteristics of what would be a healthy friendship. So if these characteristics are present in your friendship, then you may be in an ok place, but they’ll help you evaluate exactly where you might be to loosely quote bismarck. If you say he’s just a friend, then these characteristics should be evident in your friendship. Let’s go your partner knows about your friend and also knows when you’re catching up with the friend. Your partner supports this friendship that may just qualify to you right there. You don’t share details of your relationship with your friend. You don’t tend to hide your not so good side from your friend. There are more things your partner knows that your friend is not aware of. You smile when you think about your friend getting married and watch this, your friend would also affirm these last last six statements about their friendship with you as well. Now I’m guessing that honestly running through that list has continued to add some clarity for you about whether this is a healthy friendship or might be crossing the line.

How can emotional affair with someone else ruin relationship?

So let’s assume that you answered the first eight questions and you looked at these last seven statements and after doing so, you feel pretty confident that you’re not in to use jay to pink at smith’s words, an emotional entanglement and you feel pretty good about your friendship and think to yourself. You know what I passed the quiz and the characteristics I’m good to go before you leave. Let me just give you three things to consider with a friendship of the opposite sex that could still be a damage your relationship. Whether you have a committed partner or you’re married and I believe has the potential to damage your relationship three things to consider. Number one, they will be an easier path to validation. So listen, we all want acceptance and validation, especially in our most important relationship and oftentimes we’re not getting that from our spouse or our partner. Now the reasons make sense because we may be in a conflict we may have argued about something. There may be ongoing tension, but oftentimes we’re not getting the validation that we need from our spouse. And if you have an opposite sex friend, I promise you. They will always be an easier path to validation because you don’t have all the other stuff that you have in a real relationship, like a marriage, you don’t have the fighting. You don’t have the struggles. You don’t have some of the conversations so that you have to have. So this will always be a path that is open to you that when you need validation is going to be a lot easier to run down that path and try to get it from your opposite sex friend. Then it is to do the hard work in the relationship to repair it, to build back emotional intimacy and to ask for the validation and acceptance you need in this relationship. So I think for that reason it can always be a danger to you a second thought to keep in mind is that they will cause unhealthy comparison. When you have an opposite sex friend. It is much easier to compare aspects of that relationship with aspects of your marriage. Which can lead to disappointment and frustration. I wish my spouse laughed at my jokes the way they do. I wish my spouse was supportive the way they are. I wish my spouse encouraged me the way they do, but the reason this is unfair is because you’re basically comparing the best qualities or highlight real of this relationship with the worst qualities of your marriage. You don’t often do it the other way where you think about all the things you’re grateful for in your marriage and then look over at your friendship and try to find all the areas of of their characteristic and their personality that is negative. And so because of that. You’re basically creating an unfair match-up. You’re comparing two things that are not equal. It’s not apples and apples, it’s not oranges and oranges. You’re comparing something great over here with something difficult over here and that’s going to lead to frustration and disconnection in your marriage so they will always be an unhealthy comparison for your marriage. And the third thing to consider with an opposite sex friend is they will steal emotional intimacy from your relationship.

How can emotional affair streal entimacy from your relationship?

If I’m at work and I’m talking to my co-worker, Michelle and I’m talking to Michelle about my frustrations with our boss, I’m talking to michelle about the struggles I’m having with our children at home. I’m talking with michelle about some of my dreams and hopes. Or an upcoming event. I’m super excited about when I get home at the end of the day, what I don’t need to do any longer is have any of those conversations with my spouse because I’ve already had those with michelle and what that does is that’s now robbed my marriage of potential conversations that will build emotional intimacy in the relationship. And so I think an opposite sex friendship always has the potential to rob your relationship of emotional intimacy. So as you can see, it may be a great friendship. It may be a mostly healthy friendship. It may be a friendship that never has the possibility to turn to sexual intimacy in your mind. But as you can see, there are always going to be an easier path of validation. They’re going to be a source of comparison that will cause you to negatively look at your marriage relationship. And at the end of the day. They’re going to rob some of the emotional intimacy from your relationship with your partner because you’ll have conversations that you don’t need to have again and therefore you won’t do those conversations with your partner. So I hope that has helped add some clarity. There are some clear distinctions based on how you answered the quiz and how you evaluated their friendship with those same characteristics. But even if you feel like you’re in a good spot I believe that an opposite sex friendship has the potential to damage your relationship.

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