Can A Relationship Survive Infidelity?

By | January 15, 2023

Affairs and relationships in general are tough and need constant work but can a couple overcome infidelity? I always whenever I hear about an infidelity within a couple I’m always like, I’m out. I don’t know how people can move forward, but obviously to some degree they can they can if certain conditions are met and this is what I want people to hear. Ok, so the first condition that needs to be met is the person that cheated needs to take full responsibility for the infidelity and they need to have empathy and understanding for the impact they’ve had on their partner and their relationship. So if they’re dismissive of it, if they’re making excuses for it, if they’re nonchalant about it, it’s never going to work because because the trust is broken. Is that what it is, yes, I mean, trust once broken takes for. Ever to rebuild it is a long process. So if the person who is unfaithful doesn’t even recognize the impact they’ve had that they are going to be.

How to rebuild trust?

Probably not very likely to then take the time and commitment to rebuild that trust. Which is the second condition that needs to be about that person needs to understand that now it’s their work to. Help their partner rebuild trust, whether it’s going to couples therapy. Answering questions um you know, sitting with their partner and dealing with all the pain and the emotions now that have come up and it needs to be a commitment over time, they can’t just say, sure. You know, I’m sorry and yes, I’m here to work on it and then go to a couple of therapy sessions, get frustrated when the partner isn’t over it in a month that is never going to work, right. I keep I keep replaying the scene from sex and the city with miranda, steve or the or the therapist says, ok, he’s admitted to it. Now you have to commit to fixing it and moving on or dwelling in it and not moving together. Yes andnd it’s a little bit of both. Right, so if trust is going to be rebuilt, the partner that is trying to learn to read to trust their partner again needs to be open to that and some people really want to. But after they start that process of rebuilding trust, they they are honest with themselves. Sometimes are like, I just can’t trust you. Especially and this is something else I want to say if the person who cheated is caught in another lie, it’s never going to work and it doesn’t necessarily have to be a lie about cheating. Right, no, I just a lie and generate ok, and if the infidelity has happened before I would say the other partner needs to leave because now it’s not just a onetime thing.

Can you prevent infidelity?

It’s a pattern and patterns of behavior do not change unless the person who is in that pattern really commits to doing that inner work. Understanding why did that happen, what do I need to do differently, and again, this doesn’t happen a lot. Right, right, and a lot of times people are struggling with. You know, you know, it’s hard to end a relationship, so a lot of people struggle with I want to trust can I trust and what I say is you really have to look at how is your partner responding to this. Do they take full responsibility, are they committed to the hard work of rebuilding the trust. Because a relationship without trust is not a relationship, right? You know and in the beginning after infidelity, the other the person who cheated has to understand that maybe there needs to be full transparency or more transparency than usual. That’s not a long term solution. You don’t want to have to look at your partner’s phone or you know like know where they’re going all the time. But in the beginning in that really fragile state where you are rebuilding trust, if the person who broke the trust isn’t understanding that there needs to be more transparency than usual. That’s going to be a big problem. How realistic is it though that most couples are able to work through and get over the infidelity. I would say it’s rare. Mostly because a lot of people who are unfaithful, not all people, but a lot of people who are unfaithful. They lack empathy. Yeah, you know, they don’t have. The conscience about what is it going to do to my partner or the relationship. They’re acting impulsively. They’re trying to get their own needs met and they’re not considering their partner. So those types of people are not. Really understanding what’s happened to the relationship now and how they’ve heard their partner and the relationship and the trust in the relationship. And so these conditions that I’m talking about are often not met. For example, buying flowers and I’m sorry and it will never happen again.

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