So, how to deal with cheating partner? Your spouse cheated on you. That hurts. Deeply. The faithfulness you believed in has been terribly violated. The trust you rely on is decimated. You feel a profound sense of loss, what you had. You no longer have and you wonder if you can ever have it again. And your pain and anger you may have thought about the pain you can cause your spouse and the misery you could create for the affair partner. That’s understandable. But don’t do it as much as you may want vengeance if that becomes your focus, you mess up your future. If you want to be happy again to have a fulfilling future, you need to find how to forgive the person. Poor people who’ve hurt you. It’s not just a good idea. Is essential. It’s the only way to cleanse the pain from your heart and mine. You start your healing by forgiving even if your spouse and the affair partner don’t deserve it. Forgiving doesn’t set them free. It frees you from being miserably chained of what they did. Forgiving heals you even if your spouse is still having the affair. Even if your mate says they don’t love you and plan to marry the other person. Forgetting doesn’t mean that those who hurt you won’t face consequences, they will. And forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to restore your marriage, but if you wish to repair your marriage that can be done even if you think that’s impossible.
Stop imagining what happened
Now the first step is to stop running through your head. Your imaginary movies of what happened. If you’re like most people, you vacillate between wishing that the cheating never happened. And mentally picturing what your mate did with the other person. Thinking about where they went, what experiences they shared and the things they did that. Make you sick to think about. Well, how forgiveness is not an emotion. I’ll explain that in a moment. It’s tough to forgive when your emotions take control. Therefore, start taming your emotions by no longer allowing yourself to live in the fantasy that the affair didn’t happen or the torturous fantasy of what you pictures having. Neither helps you in any way. Except that it happened. That’s reality if you’re going to get through this with your mental and emotional sanity intact, you have to face reality, but absolutely refuse to allow yourself to play those terrible mental videos of what happened. When you start thinking like that. Make yourself busy with something that takes concentration. If you start picturing those things, tell yourself out loud, stop it. I’ll no longer torture myself.
Stop playing the blame game
Now the second step is to stop playing the blame game. Especially if you’ve been thinking about your spouses affair was caused by something that you did. Or didn’t do. I’m sure you’re not perfect because nobody is, however. If you blame yourself for decisions your mate made. You’re taking way too much culpability and diminishing your spouses accountability. Are there things that you should have done better, done differently, not done at all. I’m sure there are and there will come a time when to heal further. You’ll need to process that. If you want to save your marriage. The two of you will have to work through those things together, but not now. Not when you’re considering or actually trying to forgive the cheating. There is a time to examine any role you played. But if you focus on that, now. You’ll detour the process of finding healing within yourself and healing for your marriage if you want that. Blaming your spouse is cheating on yourself. Set your spouse free from being responsible for their own actions. Blaming the infidelity all on your spouse will also very like me and intensify your anger and. And deepen your hurt. Blinding an hour mostly on the other person in the affair will keep you from dealing with the problems that existed in your relationship before the affair. Therefore, as part of accepting reality acknowledges that the causes of the affair are probably complex. But they are not important to dig into right now. The vital thing now is for you to begin to heal emotionally. If you don’t. You won’t deal with your pain, which means you won’t deal realistically with understanding the causes of the affair. How to repair your relationship or anything else. Playing the blame game leads you to more misery, not the healing that you deserve. Now the third step is to choose to forgive. That’s right. Forgiveness is not an emotion. It isn’t something that you wait until you feel that you’re ready to do. It’s a decision. And the research literature is referred to as decision based forgiveness. You choose to forgive by doing two things whether you feel you’re ready to do them or not. Now the first is choosing to see that the person who hurt you. Is a flawed human. Rather than some evil, hateful self center devil why, because if you perceive them as being horrible, you can justify anything you do to them. Ruin their reputations, mistreat them, turn others against them. If you do those type things. You lose it. You become a person, you don’t want to be.
How to forgive infidelity?
Choosing to see them as flawed allows you to reframe how you think about them rather than the monsters of your nightmares. There are people who did a bad thing. A person, a human being just like all the rest of us, flawed and sometimes very selfish, but still a human who messed up. You see, it’s hard to forgive a monster. But we can forgive people who are flawed. Now the second choice is to decide not to take ventures. Punishing the other person changes you. In ways that you’ll regret. You’ve been hurt. You know what it does to a person do you really want to be the person that causes hurt. If you’re thinking, yeah, I want them to hurt like I heard. I understand. Yet the problem with payback is that it does not give you what you want. It doesn’t work because you can never be sure that they hurt as badly as you heard. Besides, if you focus on punishing those that hurt you, you’ve tied yourself to your hurt rather than freeing yourself from it. You won’t heal. You’ll stay in this angry, unhappy state for a long time. You deserve better and they aren’t worth that. Free yourself by choosing to forgive. Now, if you want to repair and restore your marriage, there are more steps than these of course, and we’re happy to help even if you think that there’s no way your marriage can be saved. Even if your spouse is still in the affair and is adamant that they’re in love with the affair partner.