if you find yourself in that situation, the question is how do you end an emotional affair you have now. You now have the information and the knowledge as to what the differences are between an emotional and a physical affair. And now the question is, how do you end the affair. How do you end the emotional affair. The first thing that you want to do is you want to self reflect it is incredibly important to. Gain awareness around the situation and the reason for why I say that is because there was a reason for why you are in the situation. There was a reason for why you have decided to lean on somebody else for support other than your spouse other than your partner. Are there needs that are not being met in the relationship. Are the certain expectations that are not being met, are you not feeling fulfilled, are there read frustrations and resentments that you have that have been compounding over a period of time that you feel like you have not been able to resolve with your partner because the communication isn’t so great. Whatever the case may be, it is incredibly important to get to the root of it because if you don’t get to the root of. It’s going to continue to happen, right. I want you to think about it this way. So if you have. A plant, a weed, whatever the case may be and you just rip the top off and you leave the roots, it’s going to come back again. You have to get to the root in order for it not to grow back in order for it not to be an issue any more.
First steps when you are having an emotional affair
Take a moment, take a breath. And sit with your thoughts. And try to really understand why you are having the emotional affair because that really is at the foundation of being able to move on from the situation once you have given it thought once you feel like you have a better understanding as to why it is happening, the second thing is taking accountability. Accepting the fact that your actions. Have a reaction. You know there are repercussions for those actions and how you potentially have made your partner feel throughout this process, right, it’s really important for you to acknowledge and say, you know I I messed up. And even if the reason for why you started the emotional affair was because you were not satisfied in the relationship, there’s still accountability on your part. Potentially not communicating that to your partner or maybe if you did communicate that to your partner and you feel like it didn’t go anywhere, did you try something else? Did you try couples counseling, did you try relationship coaching? Did you try everything you possibly could to try to fix things now again, I don’t want to sit here and blame everything on you because a relationship is a two way street, right, there’s there’s equal fault. In this situation. But I want to say that with caution, right, because that is a very triggering statement for a lot of people, particularly individuals who have been cheated on because there is this sense of blaming the victim for the infidelity or the affair or whatever the case can be and that is not what I’m saying. I am not saying that it is your partner’s fault that you decided to step outside of the relationship because at the end of the day, that’s a decision that you made. You could have decided to not do that, but you made the decision and that is where you are accountable for. That is what you’re accountable for what I am saying is if there is dissatisfaction in the relationship and there are things about your partner that they are not contributing to the relationship that you needed and may have been a catalyst or a trigger for you to start to look elsewhere.
How to keep your marriage?
Having transparent conversation with your partner being open and honest and real being as clear and concise as you can and making sure that you have really thought about the situation so you can provide your partner with the answers that they feel they’re going to need in order to be able to move on from the situation or at least start to heal. The third thing is which kind of piggy packs off of the the the accountability portion is honesty being being open, being honest. Telling your partner the situation why you’re in that situation, what led to that, who the person is, the steps that you’re taking to make sure that that no longer happens again, all of those things are going to be necessary in ending the emotional affair and the most important one of all is cutting the communication not with your partner. But with the person you are having an affair with, right. Because there is no way that you’re going to be able to reconcile the relationship or fix the relationship if that’s what you’re hoping to do if you are still in contact with your affair partner. Be emotional or physical, so cutting all communication, letting that person know hey, look, I am actively trying to work on my relationship. I am sorry that I got involved in this situation, but because I’m going to focus on my partner now and fixing our relationship, this can no longer continue. Wish you the best of luck, please don’t contact me anymore and make sure that you are removing their phone number, getting rid of their email, deleting them off the social media. Doing whatever it is that you need to do to prove to your partner that you are serious about wanting to reconcile the relationship. So again, the most important thing that you can do in this situation is cutting the person off. So just to reiterate some of the things that we want to consider when ending the emotional fair or the steps that you should be taking number one self awareness, taking time to reflect and think about why you are in this situation. The second part is accountability. Taking accountability for your actions, owning what you did. The third part is the honesty factor. Right, which is being completely open and transparent and honest with your partner so that you can actually start the process of healing and reconciling.
The final part of cutting the emotional affair
And the last part is cutting the affair, cutting the person. Cutting all communication and and making sure that they are no longer a part of your life. If you are struggling with trying to understand why you did, what you did, that is what we are here for. I am more than happy to guide you through that process. Big part of what I do is helping people to gain new perspective. To have a different understanding of their situation to step out of the subjective and look at it objectively so that you can actually get to the root of the issue and sometimes it is very difficult for you to do that on your own.