How to forgive cheating? And should we forgive after we’ve experienced the pain of infidelity? And so the question becomes, what do we mean by infidelity. What actually does that mean. Perhaps it’s the husband who goes away on a business trip. And after a long day of work. Goes to the bar, grabs a drink and sees an attractive woman from across the room and as soon as they make eye contact instantly, there’s a connection. And they engage in a one night stand because they both know they will never see each other again and no one will ever know. Perhaps it’s that woman who’s been in that long, emotionless relationship for quite some time and even though initially there was passion and there was love and there was excitement over the course of time this couple transition from being soulmates to roommates to roommates, emotional disconnect. Statistically, the average couple only engages in four minutes of quality conversation on any given day yet when we step into the workplace. We have eight and nine in ten hours developing relationships and building rapport and having great conversation and oftentimes that co-worker the interaction that we have goes from being platonic to a problematic. Because we’re talking about things in the office and then we’re talking about passions and interests and hobbies and all types of things. And there’s an instant connection that takes place. And communication the foundation of all communication is intimacy.
How does intimacy start?
Intimacy is when you allow a person to see inside your heart and see inside your mind and see inside your soul and as a result, emotional entanglement begins to take place, which ultimately leads to a full blown emotional affair. Or perhaps it’s a virtual connection on social media and it starts off innocently with a poke or a wave, a like, even a share. But then it graduates to another level. And it becomes a friend request. In a private message, maybe we’ve reconnected with an old flame or a high school sweetheart and after thirty minutes of communication online. The emotions that we once had are triggered again because our brain has an emotional memory. And after thirty days of constant consistent communication, our interaction transitions from online to offline. And now we’re meeting for coffee, inour meeting for dinner. And now we’re meeting, for an overnight stay. Perhaps it’s all of these things and a whole lot more.
Can relationship survive cheating?
And so the question becomes. Does a marriage have to end when an affair takes place? I dare say no. While the hurt partner is dealing with how do I forgive. And how do I heal a hurting heart and how do I move forward and how do I trust again, the unfaithful partner is struggling with, how do I forgive myself. How do I overcome the pain and how do I overcome the shame and the guilt, how do I rebuild this relationship? I just don’t know what to do. It requires both a personal and marital recovery. And in that process, the only way to get to pleasure island. Is through forgiveness. During the affair recovery process, the most important aspect of that phase is forgiveness, but you know forgiveness is this term that we heard before and the preacher preaches it on sunday and we read about it in books and and we understand the principle of it. But we just don’t know how to walk it out. We don’t know how to incorporate it into our lives because most of us either participate in cheap forgiveness or the refusal to forgive. And the refusal to forgive in a relationship. Is a tumultuous relationship where there’s pain and bitterness and resentment and conflict in the pain that is harboring in my heart is now dubbed to my partner because I want them to experience what I’ve gone through. So there’s a sense of revenge when you refuse to forgive. But cheap forgiveness is that forgiveness does.
How to forgive?
The bible says that we should forgive. So I’m just going to forgive. We’re not going to talk about it. We’re not going to have conversations. We’re just going to move forward and the the pain that I’m moving away from is carrying and following me everywhere I go. Then I begin to participate in passive aggressive behaviors because I really haven’t released it from my heart. And so many of us are struggling to know what true genuine forgiveness actually looks like. See one thing about forgiveness when you hold on to unforgiveness. It can literally destroy the relationship, but when you release the pain and you understand that every day is a new day and you no longer look at the partner that you did have, but the partner that you do have. You have the beginning of a great new future. Many of us struggle because we’re looking at our future through the lenses of our past and every time we see our partner and are reminded of the pain that they’ve caused in that relationship.