Husband- wife cheating problem is a serious topic. One of the main questions is “Can a cheater ever stop being a cheater?” Can a cheater stop cheating? And so the question becomes. If you are dating or if you are contemplating dating someone that has cheated in the past, should you do it or are you just opening up the gates to be heard again. And quite frankly. I’m an optimistic. I believe in the higher nature of individuals and I do believe that everyone has the capacity to grow to change and to evolve. Now, having said that. Of course, I don’t want you to just blindly go back to someone that has hurt you or that you know has a history of continuously cheating. And so I would not ask you to blindly trust this person to not do it again. I would ask you to make an educated, informed decision whether to fight for this relationship, whether to date someone or to stay with someone that has cheated in the past. Is this something that has happened once is this an isolated incident in a moment of weakness or perhaps they were intoxicated or perhaps your relationship was really on the ropes and they said something that steps outside of the realms of what you feel comfortable with, or are we looking at a history.
Can a marriage survive infidelity?
A trend of stepping outside of the relationship, perhaps with the same person multiple times or perhaps with different people over and over and over again, that is a different beast altogether and it’s important for you to really try to assess. The history of this person’s actions. If you know that you’re with an individual that is constantly unable to control themselves and their urges and they have bad habits that are nurturing those negative urges, I would really urge you to pause and really to rethink your desire to make this relationship work at all cost they need to show. A willingness to change and they need to prove to you over time that they are able to curb those urges in order for you to open your heart again and in order for you to feel fulfilled and safe. And if that is not the case, then. Perhaps it’s best. To protect yourself and not just continue in a relationship because you love someone if you’re convinced that they are bound to hurt you again. And I’ve unfortunately coached many individuals who have been with the same person for a very long time and it’s all they know and so they start to accept certain behaviors that they know they shouldn’t accept because it becomes their reality. They are caught up in a relationship over ten years, sometimes longer with someone that hurts you, but it’s become the norm because you’re lowering your standards out of love or desperation and because you just really want to be with that one person.
How cheating effects relationship?
But the truth is that you deserve better and you should not just settle. To be with someone that isn’t making you feel safe isn’t making you feel. Loved and cherished and respected. And so if you find yourself in that type of situation. I urge you to have the strength to pull away and to really make sure that this person has brought about some changes that show you that they’re serious. That is not just a lip service. But they’re not just telling you what what you want to hear in order to continue to be together and to continue to take advantage of you because that’s unhealthy and I don’t want that for you and one way to make sure that this person is for real is to make sure that you know what they say and that what they do are in harmony over a sustained period of time and that they’re actually doing. Certain things that they were not open to doing in the past, perhaps that’s seeking help, perhaps that’s making sure that they stopped hanging with certain people or doing certain activities that will lead them down a slippery slope.
Consequences of cheating
But the point is you need to make sure that you’re being mature and detached when you make a decision like this and that you’re not deliberately setting yourself up to be heard again if you if your intuition is telling you that they’re going to do it again or that you are going to get hurt. Then I urge you to put the brakes. Maybe it’s good to separate for a little while. Maybe, you know they need to actually lose you in order to go through that process of personal transformation. But at the same time, it’s important not to be too extreme. Cheating can mean different things to different people. In some cases. I have seen people who just the mere fact of their spouse or their significant other looking at someone of the opposite sex. In a certain way made them feel like they were being cheated on and in other cases the other extreme is I’ve seen people constantly make excuses for physical cheating that’s happened with multiple partner because they’re invested in the relationship and they want to make it work at all cost. We want to avoid both of these extremes. We want to stay true to our moral code and our moral principles and make sure that we’re in a relationship that enables us to feel safe and secure and whole and an environment that enables both of you to continue to grow together while maintaining unity.