There is so much confusion about what constitutes an affair, especially mental cheating. There’s even more confusion about what an emotional affair is. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard: “Well, I’m not having sex with that person, so it’s not unfair.” I really want to set the record straight and help people see how easy it is to identify an affair from a platonic friendship or a friendly interaction.
Trust your feelings
Frankly, it really isn’t very hard to understand at all that we all have internal barometers that let us know we’re doing something wrong, even a kid who sees you in that interaction will be able to gauge what kind of interaction it is because they can sense the energy around. I have found. That usually those that claim to be confused about what is appropriate in reality, do sense there’s danger of slipping, but they like to and choose to play with that boundary of what’s appropriate and what’s not regardless. And claiming innocence when they get caught. Be confused about this, helped them keep doing it over and over again and a good rule of thumb is that if you’re hiding an interaction from your partner, you are cheating. Even if it’s a simple interaction, like it’s a beautiful day today, after all, if it wasn’t, then why would you actually hide it. If you are deleting text. Calling histories and other interactions. Then you know it’s wrong and you know, you shouldn’t be doing it. You might tell your partner. It was so inconsequential to me that I forgot to tell you. This usually doesn’t fly because chances are. You have done it many times before. And will keep doing it again. You can’t forget that many times.
How mental cheating affects your relationship
You may justify it and say I’m hiding my interaction to protect my partner because they get hurt and jealous. And I know we’re just friends. I know that makes you feel good when you say that about yourself, but psychologically speaking. You are not keeping secrets to protect your partner, you’re doing it to protect yourself. From taking full responsibility for the choices you are making. And from changing behaviors that you are enjoying getting validation from. But we’re just friends. You say I know it even if you don’t believe me. You cannot be just friends with someone you are sexually attracted to. And a good way to tell you’re sexually attractive to that person is. If you choose to interact with that person, even if you know it will bother your partner. You don’t do that for platonic relationship. It’s the sexual poll that helps you do where you know you promised not to. You make excuses to be around them or see them. You fight with your partner for your right to see them. You feel a rush or giddiness when you around them, you’re finding yourself beaming when you’re thinking about them. You get dressed with an intention to get their attention in mind. You post on social media with them in mind. You wait for their text to come. You get upset if it doesn’t come and you get excited if it does. You think or ruminate about what they said or what they didn’t say, what they did, what they didn’t do. You get defensive when others are asking about your relationship with them because they can tell that there’s something a weird about it. You hide your interactions with this person from the friends who call you out on things. Not having personal integrity to admit you’re engaging in something even you consider wrong leads to pain and suffering for everyone in the future. Staying engaged in a relationship like this keeps you going deeper and deeper into the relationship. It’s very common to blame your partner or anyone or everything or everyone around you for your affair if your partner is telling you your behavior is making them feel uncomfortable. Unsafe are not valued and you’re still you’re still continuing to engage in it and you’ve chosen your want to fulfilling a desire above your partner’s need for safety and yes. Sexual interest is a want, but safety is in need and it’s clear it’s a clear indication that at this point in your relationship. You don’t value your partner enough to put them before your wants and it’s clear that you have a benefit. And not coming clean to your partner. Sexual interest has the power and the draw strong enough to get you to give priority to another person above the one you once committed to.