People asking Is flirting cheating? Let me story about one girl. She says, I’ve been in my current relationship for fifteen months. We rushed into it both freshly out of our relationship. After three months he started, I’ll call it hardcore flirting in messages to facebook, friends of his. He didn’t hide it, but I’m sure he didn’t expect me to see it. I found out because he did a disappearing act one evening and lied me at first about where he was okay. We’re getting a lot of good information here.
Is sexting cheating?
A few days later I looked at his facebook, I was shocked, sexually flirting with others via messenger. I confronted him and he told me he loves me. It was just talk didn’t mean anything. His intentions was not to follow through on any of it. I had nothing to worry about. Is this guy doing a very good job calming her down, not so much. He’s great besides this crap, he’s great. She says he’s good to him. Well. It sounds like he’s good to use some of the time and this is probably he’s not so good to other times and then she says, do I get over my fear of him going too far at some point losing him and just ignore the things he does privately or do I should I have ran the other direction as fast as I can. Well, guys, this is subjective. Okay, everybody has their own limits around flirting and what you know. Where it becomes, what she’s calling cheating. And I think it’s it’s subjective because all of us have different sensitivities and different threshold. Some people are totally okay with. Their partner cuddling with another person of the opposite sex if they’re in a heterosexual relationship, that’s totally cool with some people, other people that would send them into the back part of the brain in nanoseconds and they would lose their shit.
Where to draw the line?
So you’ve got to decide for you what the line is and I don’t think it’s that helpful to look outside of ourselves for this answer and say, hey, um. You know, is this cheating, is this not cheating, you’ve got to decide what’s my line, what am I able to tolerate given my sensitivity and what am I not able to tolerate and then you park your car there and you say. Okay, this is, hey, honey. I freak out seeing you flirt on messenger with other women and it doesn’t work for me because I freak out. It’s not actually good for me trusting you. It’s not good for my nervous system. It’s not good for our connection. I shut down. I freak out and if you’re with a bad ass partner. They honor your sensitivity and request as long as it doesn’t come at the cost of them betraying who they are. Now, if he has to, if he says, let’s pretend you said that and you said, honey, I don’t this doesn’t work for me. Absolutely not, and he got defensive and really reacted well. That’s that says it all right there that he’s not willing to not to be in a relationship and not do that, then you don’t need to betray your integrity just to stay with him because you say he’s a good guy, you leave you move on to someone who is willing to honor your sensitivity and how you show up, right. So this is where people get into trouble is they. Think they should be strong or should allow or should. Be okay with certain behaviors because of what other people tell you you should be okay with. Knock that shit off, be true to you and your what works for you and what does not work for you and here’s what I’m getting about. This doesn’t work for you but or and you’re willing to tolerate it because you say he’s a good guy and he’s good to you. I just want to challenge you a little bit a guy who’s good to you says, hey, um. You know if this is an issue for you, cool, I will take a break from this behavior and um just to honor you and where you’re at, I get it. It sounds hard. And I want to understand you here. Have you been cheated on before, do you have you had guys act out and then I find this guy. I need to look at my part and really get honest with myself.
So quick personal story. I when I was with a woman prior to marriage, I always had another woman that I was you could say flirting with. Basically, in this case, this relationship didn’t work out. I always had someone lined up so that I wouldn’t have to feel alone and feel all the shit I never wanted to feel. I could just have another woman and she’d come over and we’d hang out and the dopamine would get gone and I was great. And that was the game I played, uh, you know, so. Some people excuse me. Some people are like me where they have a block here and. This guy may have a black hair. So I would just challenge you to get really honest with what what works for you and what doesn’t that needs to be true for all of us. I you know the we test our partner in that way by having open conversations to and saying, hey, is it cool. If I’m flirting with other women or other men, how are you, how are you with that, you know. At a certain point in the relationship, we have these kind of open conversations or. Hey, I noticed. You know, you’re at a cocktail party and you noticed your wife or husband or whoever getting a little. You know, I’m kind of. Touchy feeling with someone and you feeling comfortable. That’s the conversation. You have a conversation about that. You go home, you’re driving home, you say, hey, honey. I noticed you were talking to that woman or that man and getting kind of touchy feeling and I felt really scared and really uncomfortable just. Be truthful about what your own sensitivities and talk about them. Do not bury your reactions and try to hide out. It doesn’t do shit except build up resentment and more fear and more gripping and it’s going to be harder for you to open.