My partner cheated on me. I hate her.

By | January 15, 2023

Today I want to talk about how my partner cheated on me. It’s something that’s painful to talk about, but it’s important for me to address. And the reason is because some of you are going to get cheated on some of you are being cheated on as we speak and if I can kind of help you understand from my perspective how I dealt with it and some things that I’ve learned after getting cheated on, it’s worth me talking about the other reason why it’s uncomfortable for me to talk about if I’m being honest is because it’s embarrassing, you know.

Don’t blame yourself

When we get cheated on as a guy or anybody, we feel like it’s our fault. We blame ourselves. At least I did you know, if I was only a better boyfriend or better in bed or made more money or cooler or better looking or whatever that she wouldn’t have felt the need to go out and cheat on me multiple times what I’ve come to realize after therapy. And just dealing with this is that when you get cheated on, it’s not your fault at all. There’s nothing that you did wrong. You’re not bad. You’re not deficient. You don’t suck. It’s the other person and there is no amount of love that you can give somebody that’s going to prevent. Them from treating you poorly if that’s kind of their character, but it’s better you find out sooner rather than later because the truth is, guys time is precious and you don’t have time to waste on somebody that’s not going to talk about and love you the way that you deserve to be respected and loved. And so today, even though it’s not comfortable for me to talk about and relive the situation I want to share with you my experience with getting cheated on, I also want to share with you some things that I’ve learned through the process of healing and dealing with it because I know unfortunately. Some of you are going to go through it and if my experience can help some of you, it’s worth talking about before I tell you the story, let me just tell you or say that this person that I’m I’m talking about is an amazing person. She just wasn’t amazing for me and I have an incredible admiration and respect for this person to this day, but unfortunately it was not a relationship that I should have been in and I got hurt very badly. But I allowed myself to be in those positions and situations. Because I was at the time in a very dark place emotionally I was just. You know, I graduated high school, I moved to college, I was dealing with a bunch of stuff from my childhood, you know, abusive step-fathers. All sorts of bad things I was using and abusing alcohol and drugs in order to self medicate. And so to say I was not in a great place would be an understatement. One of the by-products to all of the crap I was dealing with is that I became very dependent upon this person and even though I found out that she cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. I allowed her to say she was sorry and take her back even though it hurt, even though I was like, devastated, I made an excuse like. Well, it’s a ex boyfriend, not once not twice, not three times a bunch and this is just what I know about. I allowed it to happen. I allowed it to happen because I was incapable of of taking care of myself and it was painful and it was emotionally devastating and I rationalize them for whatever reason, five years I let this go on for five years until I finally decided. This is insane. I deserve to be with somebody that loves me that appreciates me that isn’t going to screw somebody else.

The end of toxic relationship

So I ended up breaking up with her. Finally we ended up sort of moving away from each other and it was incredibly hard to do because I was so addicted and like co-dependent on this person for five years, but I knew that if I ever wanted to be happy and find somebody that deserved me and then I deserved. I needed to end this relationship. I needed to cut the ties of toxic and I did. I also realized that I had to go to therapy in order to deal with my issue. I went to counseling to deal with my issues because, you know, when you when you get cheated on, I got to be honest, it’s a very lonely thing. I don’t want to talk to my mom about the fact that my girlfriend cheated on me. I don’t want to talk to my friends about my girlfriend cheating on me because like I said, not only are you dealing with the pain that’s going on because somebody you know, cheated on you, you’re dealing with this incredible sense of embarrassment for me, it was so embarrassing. Not only that I was allowing it to happen that it happened at all felt like it was my fault. I felt like I was failing as a boyfriend or as a man and if I was better, she wouldn’t feel the need to go out and screw other people and the truth is it wasn’t about me not being great. It was about her not being what she needed to be and having some issues that she was dealing with in the way that she was dealing with them was through you know the infidelity that she was dragging me through. It was her deal, not mine. This doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean that it’s not embarrassing and so I saw counseling I needed to deal with this stuff I needed to deal with myself. And my own emotional issues I needed to deal with the fact that I had zero ability to stand up for myself at that point in my life and I knew that if I ever truly wanted to be happy or find a relationship that was worthy of my attention and my value that I needed to deal with the issues. So I went to therapy. I went to counseling for a few years and I got to be honest, it was the most amazing thing that ever happened to me because from that point, everything in my life started to get better for me. I started to be able to stand up for myself. I found my value. I realized that I was valuable and I think that was the most important and powerful lesson that I learned at that point in my life, guys. If you are somebody that is struggling with anything, it doesn’t have to be infidelity or relationship issues. If it’s anything that’s holding you back or preventing you from achieving your goals or realizing your potential, you gotta get help and deal with it. What I recommend guys hit that link down below and go check out today’s video is sponsor better help. I’ve talked about better help before. I have used their service. I have friends who use their service. They are amazing, better helps whole objective is to make professional counseling accessible, affordable and convenient. The other thing that you’re going to love about her that I love about him is that all fourteen thousand better help counselors are licensed professionals, which means they’ve got the tools and they’ve got the experience to be able to help you deal with your issues as is the link down below this video better help dot com slash alpha m if you go through that link and complete the survey you are one step closer to realizing your potential. And dealing with your issues, the way that it works, guys.

How does cheating affects on further relationships?

I’ve said this before we oftentimes are collateral damage in other people’s shit and unfortunately cheating is no exception. A lot of people that cheat are dealing with something, you know, and something is like super like deep seated and rooted in something that you can’t change, you can’t control. But the other thing you got to do is learn to listen to your gut. It’s critical that you learn to listen to that little voice in the back of your head. That’s telling you something, right, because typically something isn’t right now. If you’re just a paranoid dude, right. You’re always just like worried about somebody doing something if you look hard enough, you’re probably going to find something that might not necessarily be a one hundred percent coaster or. You’re going to read into things. I am not advocating that you start snooping through her phone. I am not advocating that you start following or hacking into her own accounts. Like if you don’t trust somebody, there’s an issue and if you don’t trust her. This isn’t somebody that you should be with because once that trust is lost, you’re never getting it back, which is the next thing that I learned is that if somebody cheats on you and. It’s time to end the relationship. Because the truth is you’re never going to trust them one hundred percent the way that you need to in order to have a healthy relationship. And so my advice to you, even though you want to stay in it even though you love this person, it’s not the person for you and the truth is you don’t have time to waste. You need to find somebody that’s going to respect you and love you the way that you deserve the next thing I learned. Gentlemen, is that two wrongs don’t make a right, I was not an angel in this relationship. I cheated on her. It didn’t make me feel better. It didn’t make me feel like, okay. Well, since she’s cheating I can be cheating and it’s cool. It actually made everything worse, guys, if you are cheated on. Do not get a get out of jail free car, gentlemen. And don’t think like that because I know that a lot of dudes are like. Go, I cheated, so I’m going to cheat or a woman. Does that gentleman. The fact is if you get cheated on, you are not supposed to be with that person, do not ever cheat. This is something that I learned through this relationship. Not only to cheat cheat on me. I wasn’t an angel, I cheated on her, did it make me feel better like kind of justify it. I justified it. It didn’t make me feel better. It actually made me worse because not only was I paranoid that she was going to find out and I just felt bad about myself because I truly love this person. But it didn’t stop me from doing what I did because I felt like I felt like I needed to get back at her or whatever. I don’t know what it was. But it’s not something you should do. Gentlemen do not cheat to get back at a cheater. You’ve got to decide what you are willing to endure and put up with. You’ve got to decide whether or not you demand respect you demand to have and be with somebody that is faithful to you the way that you are being faithful to them and if they cheat and you find out, gentlemen, this is a problem with them. Not you, but I will tell you this something else that I learned from being cheated on is that it’s lonely. Like I’ve mentioned, it is a lonely process because either a you break up with her and you start talking trash about her to all your friends. But you don’t want to do that because you’re hurting and deep down. You’re hoping that she comes back and says she’s sorry and it was a mistake in this and that at least that’s what happened with me. But the truth is. Guys, it’s a lonely thing to be cheated on and it’s painful. But the thing that I did, like I said, was I sought counseling. I needed that resource. I needed an outlet. To help me deal with it because I got to talk about it because if I don’t, it’s going to affect me, it’s going to destroy me if I would just bottle it up inside guys. Do not bottle up things that are bothering you. You got to find a resource, earn outlet to deal with it and talk through it. And the last lesson that I learned is that forgiveness helps you heal. Now this is the hardest one because somebody cheats on you. It’s so painful and devastating. You don’t want to forgive him, right, you don’t want to be like it’s okay. I forgive you, but I’m telling you if you don’t, it’s going to ruin your future relationships. It’s also going to ruin you. You’ve got to be able to let it go and talk it up to it just not being right. But the truth is, if you harbor anger and hostility and resentment forever, it’s going to destroy you and you can’t do that. You’ve got to find a way to let go. You’ve got to find a way to forgive. They say that forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself guys do not allow it to ruin your life anyway, guys, I just want to do this video because you deserve the best and even though it’s not fun or comfortable for me to talk about and it’s also a little bit embarrassing to discuss if I’m being honest. I feel like it’s needed because I know that some of you are going to go through this incredibly hard situation and just. That it gets better when you find somebody that is worthy of your attention and worthy of your love. It’s amazing but do not waste time with a cheater and do not ever cheat on somebody else. It’s not right if you’re not feeling it with this person. Do the right thing, do the honorable thing. Do the noble thing, which is end the relationship but do not cheap because it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

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