I wanted to talk about my experience of how my partner cheated on me. What it’s like to be madly in love with someone. And just be in like a longterm relationship and get cheated on because it’s just like a gut wrenching, terrible. For me, I was with my boyfriend for about three years and I won’t mention his name, but. Um we met from a high school friend and we started dating and everything was so amazing , way cheap. Like I’m even still having a hard time because it’s affected me so much, but. We were together for about a year and everything was amazing. I’ll preface this. I have a five year old son and when we were together it was initially when I was in my undergrad and he was in his undergrad. And he went to san diego state and I went to long beach, so we were long distance and that was really hard and there was a lot of driving back and forth to see each other and I get that the distance was hard. But I trusted him so much and he became a place of comfort and security and he felt safe with him.
How I found out?
He left his email up on my computer and I went through it and, um. I found a bunch of lists from craig um ads from craigslist where he had been like, I guess you would say soliciting sex from like women on craigslist and like at the time. I didn’t even know that that existed and so, um. That was just I I just dropped the computer and could barely breathe. Anyways, so you know, I broke up with him, he drove out crying, begging me. He came over and we kind of were talking and I could feel myself like softening and like letting him back in because I loved him so much and, um.
Nothing will be the same
But the problem was that like he he would start acting normal with me and it was like. How are you acting like none of this ever happened? How are we going back to normal. You know like everything for me is completely shattered. So I told him to leave and then we broke up for about eight months. That entire time of being away from him. I did a lot of like growing and soul searching. I traveled I hung out with friends and I could feel myself getting my confidence back. It was really hard. I mean, I mean, I felt like. He had left me, I felt like he abandoned me because he hardly ever contacted me and he just left. And then he worked his way back in and I saw him one time and that was all it took and I just went straight back to him. Because it felt so good to be with him and then. You know, we got back together and we were together for a year and a half and it was a lot of working on like infidelity and like me getting my confidence back and trusting. And that was so hard. I mean, we did so much stuff. We gave each other our g.p.s. I kind of had to tell him, like. Hey, can you delete these people off your social media or out of your phone. Because it’s painful for me and so he you know, he was respectful of that and he did that. But the problem is that like he like he hadn’t really changed yet, like his intentions hadn’t really changed yet and it didn’t matter what I told him to do. So we were together for a year and a half where I felt like we were visibly working on all these things. And we had finally gotten to a place where I felt like I could trust him again and honestly. You know there was always that kind of gut feeling that he could have potentially like still been out doing other things because he’s in the military and so it’s like our relationship was always long-distance.. It’s just that feeling that you have when you know, that someone’s not being right and they’re not giving you everything that you deserve and they’re not there, you know, they’re there physically or they’re there talking with you, but they’re not there and you can tell when someone’s not putting in as much effort as you are. So I drove out to New Mexico to go visit him because he is under training and the first night I was there, I just felt like something was off. I don’t know. It just felt like things were a little different and I you know, I thought maybe that’s because I hadn’t seen him in a while. You know, it had been a month since I had seen him last because he’s on all these trainings. And so the next morning he went to go to work and let me preface this with like my dad just died like two months ago. It’s been really hard for me and like. Anyway, so I had a dream and my dad came to me in my dream and he told me like to go through his things and you can call me whatever you want. You can call me crazy. But even now, I look back and feel like my dad was telling me like you need to go through his things because something’s up. So he went to work and I was there and I opened up his laptop and I went through his eye messages. And I saw that he had been texting other girls, one of the girls he was asking when he could go back to their house and it was like, that was the defining moment when. When I realized someone who cheats doesn’t change. I worked with him for so long and he was my best friend or I thought he was and I think that when someone cheats that’s an integrity or a character thing and I don’t think that people change. I think that people put themselves in circumstances that they know that they’re putting themselves in. So why would he be giving his number to someone if the intention to cheat, wasn’t there.
Understandimg my worth
I rustled for so long overhether or not I should forgive him because mainly because, you know I am so in love with him and I was with him for three years and my five year old son knows him and. You know you put so much into a person, you invest so much energy and love and time and especially as a woman like. I have sort of like a timeline set for myself and where I want to be and what I want in a certain amount of time and leaving this person meant I had to leave all of that behind and just not know what’s gonna come right. I was always so faithful and so honest to him even throughout our long distance relationship and even you know his time in the military and it it, um. For me, it got to a point are you even good for me anymore. Like all of the reasons I fell in love with you. They’re not there anymore. Like I don’t trust you anymore. I don’t feel secure with you. I don’t feel like you’re open with me. You don’t feel like you’re honest with me. You know, and that feeling of just like wanting to be loved, like wanting to be wanting to feel like you can just completely surrender yourself to like someone and they will take care of you. And in retrospect looking back, you know, my dad’s passing should have been the moment where he realized like I want to take care of this woman and I am in love with I need to be here for her just, you know. Like as a human being, let alone a partner because losing your dad like. Anyone losing anyone for me, it was unexpected and I’m twenty four years old and I you know, I had never dealt with the death before, so this whole thing has been really hard for me and all I wanted was. My partner to be there with me. The point is I don’t think that people change. I think that. If you’re in a situation and someone’s cheating on you, I think that you need to. Think about what you can control because I can’t. I was with his men for another year and a half and nothing changed right on the outside. Things changed and it seemed like they were changing, but internally his integrity was never completely repaired. I mean, he was always willing to put himself in those situations and it doesn’t come out until a year and a half later and that’s the problem when you’re well invested. Um. And when you really need someone and then they can’t be there for you. So I think having to look internally and ask myself. You know, like what is this man doing for me and what is he doing to me as a as a woman, as a human, as a mother, like, are you making me better than what I was. Or are you just bringing me down. And I’ve never really like done a video or anything before. So this whole thing is new to me. Leave comments and questions and I would love for others to tell their story. Because it fucking sucks and I think that a lot of the time women will settle for a man because it was a mistake and I think the problem is that it’s not a mistake. It’s just that’s the kind of person that you’re with and they’re willing to put themselves in those situations and there are people out there. I know that there are people out there, men out there who won’t cheat on people. So yeah, it’s my story.