The question or the statement, once a cheater, always a cheater. What do you think. Are you of the belief that once someone cheats, they’ll cheat again and again and. Or are you of the belief that when someone eats cheats. They can be reformed and restored and be faithful. I have an opinion and it’s based on my situation with my ex husband. People are in the midst of finding out their marriage is falling apart and finding out that their spouse has been having an affair. Or they’re going through a divorce. It’s a lonely place. Because everything you thought you knew when you woke up that morning isn’t what you thought it was. That’s how it was for me. I was a school teacher. I thought I had the best marriage on the planet so I can teach marriage classes. And I come home. And there’s another woman in my home. Yep, I was a teacher. I had twenty minutes. I didn’t even have a lunch, right. But I had twenty minutes to get from school to my house and back to school to a classroom full of third graders. And so I came in saw this other woman in my parking spot in my garage with a close and had to try to figure out what was going on or I was shocked. When I saw my husband’s truck when I was driving down the road. I was so excited that I was going to get to see him. I didn’t know why he was home. But I was so excited because I loved that man. Enjoyed being with him and it had been his birthday just about right now. This is april now it was april and it had been his birthday, made him have a chocolate cake and I thought I’m going to get me a bite of that chocolate cake and I’m going to run back out the door and get back to school to make it as well when I pulled it up. There was another car in my spot in the garage which the garage door was closed, which was strange. There was another woman in there. Thank goodness they were in the living room and not somewhere else and of course they made up some lie that she had come back to pick up some papers. I didn’t know what was going on your own and I mean. To tell you I was blindsided that morning before I left to go to school. I thought I had the best marriage. When he kissed me goodbye, I said, I love you more. I love you most and back and forth. I love you most. I love you more, you know the whole deal. And that’s what I thought. That’s what I thought thought he loved me more and most and all that too. And then this I had no idea what was going on. Truly. I was the kind of person and I had said about him that he could be in a room full of wicked women and he wouldn’t do anything. He’s that faithful. He’s that honest that he has morals and values and integrity and he wouldn’t do that. Well. So I had to go back to school within minutes and teach a room full of kiddos. And then try to figure out what in the world just happened because. Where probably the day before.
The fear of divorce
I didn’t want a divorce. I didn’t want to be a divorced person and. If you watch my stuff, you know. That from a little girl, young young age I wanted happily ever after one husband. One wife under one roof with a whole bunch of kids living happily ever after. And so, um, I was married. And I didn’t want a divorce. And so here I am faced with something really strange is going on. There’s a woman in the house and all I could think was I didn’t want a divorce. He said there was nothing going on and he didn’t ask me for a divorce. And so since he stay. I thought it meant that we would work on this. And we would. We would live happily ever after I thought so so for six weeks we waited to get into a counselor, a particular counselor that I was interested in going to who had spoken at the church where we went. And so we went to see him and said marriage is, could make it after an affair. So I believed him because that’s what I wanted the belief. And I went about doing every single thing that he had told me to do. Because I wanted to make sure that I did the right thing so that this marriage worked.
He will cheat again
My ex husband, my husband at the time. Didn’t do what he told us to do. If you’re out there and you’re watching this. And your spouse has had an affair and y’all are working through it and they. Do what the counsellor says to do. Red flag. Red flag, red flag friends if the person who cheated on you is not out there working like a madman and. Insisting on counseling and insisting on doing the homework and insisting that you all are gonna make this work. Then I can tell you it’s not going to work. Because they don’t want it to. I know that’s hard to hear. And probably if somebody would have told me that. I wouldn’t believe them. But friend, I’m here. And I live through it for you, if you choose to take my situation and learn from it. I knew in my heart that he wasn’t trying I went and bought every book and I wanted to get to the root of it. And here’s the thing. Here’s the good news. There’s life after divorce. There’s good life after divorce. There’s good life after infidelity when you get divorced, that person that you’re married to is not the last person on the planet. Your life is not over. Your life is actually just beginning in a whole new way, new things opening up.