Stay or leave? How to deal with a cheating partner?

By | January 15, 2023

How to deal with a cheating partner? Cheating is a very common thing in relationships, a very unfortunate situation that many people face. But many are struggling with should they stay or should they go, and today that’s what we’re talking about infidelity. To stay or to go? We’re going to talk about it, but today we’re going to be hit on the topic of infidelity and helping you understand how you should handle it and which way you should go with this relationship if infidelity does come about now before we continue, as always. So let’s get into this situation.

Why do people cheat?

Number one, infidelity, we have to understand that. There’s a lot of different reasons why infidelity happens in a relationship and it’s not a one size fit all situation for some people that could be avoided in the relationship or neglect that is occurring in the relationship. Now none of these things I’m about to explain to you is to validate achieving it’s simply to explain why the infidelity might be occurring. So neglect is one of those things. There is sexual neglect, there is emotional neglect. And these things can have a huge negative impact on the relationship. Some individuals devoted their facings within themselves and the reality is that they haven’t found purpose in life. They haven’t found that thing that fulfills them and so they look for other relationships to make them feel better about who they are. It’s kind of an ego booster for them and that can happen to both men and women. All right, I know that sometimes when we think about infidelity. Many people go straight to just men cheating, but the reality is that a lot of women are cheating as well. Some may argue even more than men. I’m not going to say which one I think that is right now, but it definitely happens on both sides. So um like I said, that void within themselves and that lack of purpose and that lack of fulfillment can create um problems and open the door to infidelity. And again, those are just a couple things, but there’s a lot more to discuss.

To stay or leave?

But what we’re talking about here is to stay or to go. And so my answer to that is it depends. All right, you can’t just say a blanket statement if someone cheats, you leave and the story that’s it. There’s so much more to consider there. So let’s start with the fact that. Cheating can be described as various different things to some people if you your partner or their partner watched porn, they cheated if they flirted with someone, they may consider that cheating for others. It may be simply having sexual intercourse. It may be kissing someone. There’s various ways people define cheating. It may be having inappropriate conversations. Ok, now the reason why I’m bringing these up and showing you that there’s so many different things to look at is because again, it’s one thing for someone to say, all right, my partner flirted with somebody. And let’s say you’ve been married for ten years and you’re gonna just leave them after ten years because they flirted versus they had sex with someone. Now again, this isn’t to minimize the inappropriate behavior. It isn’t to make it okay to simply say we have to put things into proper perspective if we’re trying to determine if you should stay or you should go, but let’s go beyond that. The one of the big reasons why I tell people it depends is because cheating sometimes or infidelity is the symptom of two people who should never been together in the first place. Alright, some people are getting into wrong relationships with the wrong person and in my opinion, cheating and it is inevitable there it’s going to at some point happen. It may be months. It may be years but is going to. And again, it was set up because you’re with the wrong person. Now on the flip side, for other individuals, infidelity may be a symptom of something being broken in the relationship so you can have two people who truly are good for each other who truly can achieve and experience an amazing healthy relationship. But somewhere along the line, something went left, something went wrong and then the door opened and unfortunately someone walked through that door of infidelity now again. That doesn’t make it ok, but in that situation this is something that can be fixed and we can now look at how to correct it because it’s not just about the infidelity in that relationship.

Relationship after infidelity

Let’s evaluate the overall relationship. So for example. If someone comes to me and says, hey, my partner cheated on me, I don’t know what to do. Should I leave it or go one of my questions is was how was the relationship overall, like if you had a dysfunctional toxic relationship. Before cheating ever even occurred, they forget that they cheated. You should have left because it was toxic and unhealthy to begin with. Like that’s the real issue. The infidelity is just a symptom of that is just the manifestation of all the brokenness in that relationship. Now on the flip side, if someone comes to me and says, well, when I ask that question and they say, well, the relationship has been great. It’s been amazing at least to your perception of things, but then again, something went wrong. Maybe somebody went out and I’m just giving this an example. Someone went out with friends, they had too much to drink and they end up kissing someone that night. Again, I have to repeat. This is not making it okay. I am not trying to validate, but I’m giving you an example which has happened has happened in many people’s lives and this is a situation where we can fix this. Alright, this can be viewed as a mistake as an accident as a horrible one time decision, but is not a representation of the overall quality of the relationship. So we have to start digging deeper and start looking at the big picture when we’re going to determine if you’re going to stay or if you’re going to leave after infidelity has a cart. Also, let me say this now. Let’s say you’re going to stay. One of the biggest mistakes people make in staying after infidelity is not addressing the root cause of the infidelity. So if someone cheats on you and they say I’m sorry. Please take me back. This is make this work right? And you take them back, but you never want to heal from them cheating on you and you never addressed why it happened. So in the example I just gave the person went out. They drank too much. They were probably around the wrong people. Boom, something wrong went went down. So okay, how do we correct that moving forward, the the root issue is okay. Alcohol too much alcohol or hanging out in certain environment. We can’t do that going forward. Clearly, it’s too risky. We need to lead that alone. That’s how we can start to address some of the root causes. Okay, but if you don’t have that conversation, if we don’t get to the bottom of how did we even get here? Why did this happen? What decisions were made and what can we do differently moving. Forward to correct this that you’re defeating the purpose of staying because if you don’t address these issues, I can assure you infidelity will happen again. All right, so you have to be mindful of that and we can’t just get back together for the sake of getting back together. We’ve got to correct things. We’ve got to fix things. We got to talk it out. So again, this this is so much that we can unpack with the infidelity and we and in answering the question. Should you stay or should you go let me go something else at you. Is this a reoccurring theme already. Like so you may now be at this point of questioning what to do and and be at your breaking point, but this may have been after maybe several instances of infidelity in your relationship, some interests from your partner for some of you, it may be infidelity on both sides. They cheated, you cheated. You’re not sure. Maybe you’re thinking, well, I should just keep going because I’ve done the cheating too. There’s a lot to consider, but I would say this if it is repeat behavior on their end and you have not engaged in such behavior then again, this is a huge factor in determining if we’re going to stay or we should go because if we’ve already tried to fix this. If we already discuss the deeper issues and this individual has shown an unwillingness to make changes to start to behave properly in this relationship and end this negative cycle of infidelity, then it’s time to go because at that point. The only thing that might wake them up is a real consequence and that’s the consequence of you of you walking away losing you might be the only thing that finally makes them say, man. I messed up, but even then it doesn’t mean you’re supposed to get them back. So I say it all the time. Some people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone, but that doesn’t mean they’re supposed to get it back. But again. For you to understand what you need to do going forward. We’ve got to get to the root issues. We got to look at the bigger picture. There’s so much more to talk about. But if you are a believer, let me just do one more thing at you. Pray about it and I know that sounds real simple and that may not be as easy for everybody. But when you are conflicted in life, when you don’t know which way to go going to guys, one of the best things that you can do now, some people may say. Listen to somebody cheated on you. Of course, god’s gonna tell you, walk away. That’s not necessarily always true because again. There’s a bigger picture to this. There’s a lot more factors we have to consider. It’s not always that simple. It’s not always that black and white. But go to god and trust your intuition as well. Alright, trust your spirit talking to you because you need that disturbance in those moments where you’re not sure how to handle things and which way to go. So as I said earlier, there’s a lot more we can unpack is a lot more we can discuss. But I want to get the conversation moving on this topic infidelity. To stay or to go leave your vote below. We’re taking that poll, stay or go. What do you think you should do when infidelity occurs?

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