The Anatomy of Emotional Cheating. What is Mental Cheating?

By | January 15, 2023

I want to talk about the true anatomy or what’s underneath the facade or the guts of the mental cheating. So first of all, there’s a neglecting each other’s personal needs. You start seeing this in relationships. They don’t care about how each other feels. They’re not as a tune to each other. They’re not getting validation from their primary relationship. That means the partners aren’t validating each other for how they feel or what they want in life, what’s most meaningful. Their bond is starting to feel like it’s almost autopilot or routine. It doesn’t there’s nothing spicing up the relationship anymore. They’re kind of a monotone type relationship and a therapist can see this clearly sometimes when it’s hard to see it. They don’t have clear boundaries between each other or what’s sacred or what’s not. They don’t develop conflict resolution skills. So when they get in a conflict, it gets big and then there’s no resolution. It just seems to have gone into thin air or it got pushed under a rug. They’re not communicating well at all in all areas and sexuality is one of those areas that you see more commonly they’re actively flirting outside the marriage with other people and partners can see this in each other. And they’re letting close friends develop a dependence upon them. Now if you’re seeing this or if you wake up, you have an aha moment and you start seeing this in your relationship.

What is mental affair?

I’m going to go through what what’s typically what I see when the affair, when the emotional affair is in full bloom or it’s really building. The friend or the person they’re having the emotional affair with is on speed dial for big news. That means that that person talks to them all the time and they’re they have a special number for them and they are on speed down. So they’re communicating a lot more with this other friend. They’re comparing their partner with other people. So this is helping them in a way if you think about it, it when you compare your partner with other people and your partners on the losing end. Then you’re basically making a break. You’re finding rationalization for why you would have this emotional attachment to someone else. The special friend has reason for few arguments. So basically what ends up happening is you start telling your your partner, I don’t like the way this other friend is getting into our marriage then then more than likely your partner would say. Well, we never have arguments like it’s so much easier. I’m fighting with you all the time. I’m not fighting with them. Well, of course you’re not because you’re not you’re there are peripheral. They’re on the side. You’re giving them all your emotional attention. The insecurities may crop up.

How to act when you partner has emotional affair?

So if when some when your partner is in an emotional affair and if you’re not a jealous type person you’re going to have a lot of insecurities about it. Like you’re going to start feeling it these partners that say, I never knew I don’t believe that I don’t align with that because I think unless you were so far apart from the beginning, it is possible you would never know, but overall there are signs and one of them is your gut. Your gut tells you I am not ok with this. I’m suspicious and that is a really good tale to sign for you to have your friend becomes more important than your partner. So when this special person is more important, like you would rush to their aid quicker than you would your partner, that’s another classic sign. You’re constantly jealous of this friend when this person this friend makes you feel jealous or envy. That is another sign that your partner is. Probably gone over the line with protecting the boundary between you and themselves. They’re unable to end that other relationship. So if you were to make an ultimatum and say, listen I want this person out of your life. This person is not good for you, not good for our marriage. Your partner would more than likely not be able to do it and this is a big problem I see in therapy because when they come in. That’s the first thing if they’re going to sell that your marriage that I say you need to give up this other person very difficult for them if at all possible at that point and usually they may say I’ll do it, but they don’t lying about the friend is a sign that you are already emotionally cheating anytime you tell a lie that protects your relationship with this friend. Then you are already in it whether you like it or not accept it or not. This is the truth and as far as therapy goes, this is how we treat it as such the friend gets more than you.

How does relashionship change after emotional affair?

They’re giving them gifts that you are not privy to or getting yourself the relationship becomes in turmoil. The relationship you have with your partner becomes more chaotic, more conflict, more fighting and this is usually when the affair is fully blown and at this point it may no longer just be emotional. It may be physical to and the person your partner is romantically fantasizing about their friend all the time. Now if you’re in a place and this is going on for you. I want to tell you this didn’t just happen. This was groomed and you groomed it and the underlying feelings you guys were separating for a long time. But I’ve got little everyday ways that people cheat and I want you to listen to this with your partner because I would make a boundary around my marriage and these things. So it’s not that if you okay. A lot of people think, well, if we bring this up then we are going to one of us is going to start cheating. No, you need to be aware of these everyday type cheatings so that you won’t fall victim to them because really you are being seduced when you cheat and you fall into the trap before you know it and you are choosing it then. And that’s when it becomes a real problem and a really destructive thing for your marriage. Okay, white lies that you should always avoid. You should never tell a lie if you live a life of transparency, that means no lies ever told to your partner spending more time with anybody but your partner, especially your friend, your partner should get the ultimate top part of your time. They should be the part. They should be the priority. Sometimes jobs are second to that different projects are due, but outside of those few times your partner gets the majority of your time and attention when relationship problems aren’t discussed within the relationship you fall victim to perhaps being seduced from someone outside the marriage. So it’s important you learn how to fight fair detecting text or calls at. Inappropriate time, inappropriate frequency and inappropriate privacy when your partner is very skittish about you hearing it or seeing it that I am suspicious about it and I want you to be too and having a work husband or wife any time your partner goes, well, this is my work husband or this is my work wife. That is a bad sign. You should not have a work wife. You should not be working that closely that long to establish another relationship with another wife or husband. I think the most important thing is. You know who your wife or husband is. You keep that sacred, you keep that exclusive and bearing all else you protect and love and are transparent with each other.

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