Why Did They Choose the Affair Partner?

By | January 15, 2023

We’re going to talk about a very common question and the question is “Why do people have affair?”. Did my spouse choose the affair partner? Let me stress to you that there’s no one way that I could ever address why your partner chose the affair partner that they did. Please don’t assume that you know your mate’s motivations. I promise you’ll almost always be wrong because it’s impossible to pinpoint another person’s motivations or their intentions. So what is it about the woman or that man that could cause someone to risk at all. Is it intentional or is it just by chance. This topic could take a whole book. But hopefully I can help shed a little bit of light on that subject. There are several different reasons and the first one is we call it the missing twenty percent.

Why do people cheat?

No one can completely meet all of your needs or all of their needs. It simply isn’t true that one person could do. Typically, though, a spouse can meet eighty percent of anyone’s needs. The ap might meet another twenty percent and it seems so crazy that they might risk losing everything for twenty percent. But what we do know is that two thirds of all marital problems are of a perpetual or an unsolvable kind. The other third is solvable and you you just move right along through it, you solve it and you move on. But so that’s a big majority of the issues that every couple deals with. It’s crazy to think that they would still risk. Losing everything because of these perpetual problems that everybody has to deal with, even they will have to deal with those problems if they were with their fair partner. The second reason that people choose the affair partner they do is because of what we call seduction and many of you will not like hearing this. But at times what we see, I see this frequently actually is that the affair partner or what we call serial affair partners constantly are trolling and casting for their next a fair partner. They’re looking for that lonely heart. That’s going to take that bait when they cast it’s no excuse if your spouse is by nature insecure or lonely, they they are vulnerable to this type of a person. Again, it’s it’s no excuse for it. But that’s that’s exactly what happens. The person who takes this kind of bait, it’s important to remember that they’re not a victim, they’re a volunteer. They signed up for that because they chose to take this wound or their loneliness.

Do We Choose the Affair Partner?

Many affair partners are chosen because of the history that they have together. These attachments in previous relationships prior to marriage and and they still exist at some level. The reason that that relationship went by the wayside long ago because of a broken heart or because of extensive arguing are long forgotten and the sentiment and the nostalgia of those feelings associated with days gone by make having this type of affair really simple and easy. So past history is another reason why people choose the affair partners that they did another reason why people choose the fair partners that they do is because of this excessive time that they spend together, especially in these workplace. And environments. Many of their partners are chosen because the again, the attachments that are created due to the excessive time that they spend together in shared activities and it’s almost to the exclusion of their their family or their spouse, another place that this happens not just in the work environment. But I see it in online gaming shared projects serving together at church recreational sports. Um they can all drive. Your spouse to choose have an affair with a person that’s involved with these kind of activities. When time spent with another one exceeds the time spent with the family or with their spouse choosing to connect within this type of individual seems natural to them. Again, it seems crazy, but they’re not thinking in their right mind and they’ve attached to this person another reason why your spouse may have chosen the affair partner that they did is because of this authority abuse. We see this as well. It’s because mentors, pastors, teachers. I’m sorry to say even therapist sometimes. That have authority over them are chosen in this kind of scenario. It’s the respect and the trust that is placed in this individual as well as the hope generated by what they represent causes the potential affair partner to overvalue the relationship and an attachment is then created the magical thinking on this authority figures part allows them to distort their mentees respect and admiration through abuse of their role as an authority figure they take advantage of their mint tea.

The victim of relationship

This type of affair is called authority abuse and in most states, maybe all of them, I think all of them it’s a criminal offense in this country and in this instance, the a fair partner has chosen their victim the next way or reason why. Your spouse has possibly chosen the affair partner that they did is because trauma bonds can form past abuse, can also drive them. To choose the affair partner that they do. If there’s unprocessed abuse in your spouses past and they can be vulnerable to someone who treats them or triggers them in the same way that their original perpetrator did this type of a fair partner is particularly confusing for the betrayed spouse because they can see it happening in a way and it makes no sense to their mate. Why would you hook up with or be with someone that’s abusive. But in reality that trauma bond compels them to choose someone with whom they can re-enact the abuse many times about hoping that it can heal it. At least subconsciously. But sometimes it’s even a conscious thought. Another reason why. Your spouse may have chosen the affair partner that they did. We call it envy and magical thinking. Some choose their a fair partner out of envy and they are drawn to the characteristics in that person that they that they’re jealous of or they they envy magical thinking. Causes them to believe that somehow connecting with that person allows them to possess those qualities they tell themselves that by being with that person, somehow it sues the places where they feel inadequate or insecure. They think that the affair partner is going to make him a better person. Another reason why they choose the affair partner that they do is is because misery loves company if a husband or a wife begins commiserating with the affair partner about how miserable their marriage is. The validation that they receive from each other by telling the other person how how miserable they are or lonely they are or abuse. They are, it creates this bond between them for an affair. What’s sad about this process is that causes them both to focus on the negative aspects or qualities of the marriage in order to justify and validate their reasons for having a fair in the first place. It’s all too common reason why people choose the affair partners that they do. Another reason why is that there’s a willing partner, some individuals as a result of sexual addiction or because they’ve given themselves permission to stray or think they are entitled to it or for whatever reason they’re looking for anyone that’s willing to have an affair and once they locate someone that’s willing to interact and have conversations even flirty or inappropriate wines that person becomes the affair partner. The qualities they’re looking for determine who that might be, for instance, if they just want to have sex. They hook up with someone who also wants to avoid attachments and many relationships that are created on websites or dating naps fall into this kind of category. And the last reason that I’m going to talk about today is a midlife crisis and a lot of people blame it on this, especially if you’re in your forties and fifty s when it happens, but those in mid-life crises typically choose. And a fair partner that can help him feel young again. They’re likely to choose someone who’s twenty years younger than they are and is willing to be with an older man and even an older woman, it’s the youth and beauty of that person that makes them feel young again and we live in such a youth and beauty driven culture that it’s it’s surrounded by every single one of us. But that drives their choice to choose possibly the affair partner that they did. So this is not an exhaustive list, but hopefully it provides some understanding even if it seems a little bit crazy for the reasons why they choose what they do or what drives them to the choices that they make. As I said earlier, none of the above mentioned items are an excuse for having an affair, but I do hope that it gives you some clarity and some insight as to what drives the choices that they make.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *