The question is: “Why do people cheat in relationships?” Have you ever been through the unbearable pain of having someone cheat on you. When people cheat in relationships, it can be absolutely devastating, but there are always reasons why people cheat. With an understanding of the reasons why people teach you not only forearmed to look out for the signs. But you can also take measures to prevent cheating from happening in the first place. Today I’m first going to talk about why people cheat. And then I’m going to give you some really tear pointers and how you can prevent cheating from happening in your relationship. The first thing we’re going to talk about is the fact that cheating often happens when the six basic human needs aren’t being met.
The six basic human needs
The six basic human needs are priority driving forces in life fundamental to every individual in the world, regardless of culture or background. The six needs are certainty, variety, significance. Love and connection, growth and contribution. If you’d like to read a little bit more about these needs, I’m going to be doing a video called what are the six basic human needs soon, so make sure you hit the subscribe button below if you’d like to get on a load about that and about future videos. But for now we’re going to stay focused on half these related cheating. People often compromise values such as honesty or integrity. Which enable trusting relationships to get an unwritten need fulfilled. If a relationship is lacking in love and connection, they may look elsewhere for it. If their life in general is feeling monotonous or static, another relationship can become that source of much needed variation or for growth if someone doesn’t feel valued or important enough. They may seek significance or contribution outside of their relationship and so on. I’m not going to explain in detail why poor boundaries can lead people to cheat. Boundaries can neatly be described as the act of taking responsibility for your own sorts. Feelings and needs and not taking responsibility for the thoughts, feelings and needs of others. This definition doesn’t suggest that you shouldn’t be caring and considerate for those around you. The emphasis here is on the responsibility element. In my work as a relationship coach. I have often seen that people with poor boundaries, for example. Those who do not take responsibility for meeting their own needs and look too much to their partners to fulfill all those needs find themselves feeling dissatisfied. As a result they must stomach the frustration towards their partners and can be inclined to treat. Because they feel that they do not that they can not get all they needs met via the significant other. It’s the most extreme form this can take this form of co-dependence, but this kind of boundary blowing is in fact surprisingly commencing. Another way that poor boundaries can lead to cheating is in the shape of a lack of self boundaries. For example, the standards we set for ourselves where long term goals and standards are sacrificed for short-term gratification. Someone might believe wholeheartedly in the concept of the vows of marriage and hold fidelity and honesty as values that are important to them. But at the same time may have poor impulse control that will lead them to sacrifice these goals for the in the moment rewards of gratifying the impulse to seek out the thrill of a new.
How to set boundaries in relationship
If you don’t want someone to cheat then you mustn’t be achieved yourself the standards you set for yourself and the standards you set for others need to be in complete alignment. Most psychologists and coaches frame boundaries is active rather than just being a passive philosophy. A boundary has been set when you take action to protect the boundary. These actions often involve the sitting of a consequence for the boundary being broken. For example, if you’re defining a boundary in a relationship, you might say to your partner, if you cheat on me, I will leave you. In this clear example, a consequence has been set and in doing so you have clearly defined and communicated with the boundary. If you haven’t even defined what boundaries are for yourself or equally, if you have to find a boundary. But you don’t cease through the consequential actions required to maintain the boundary. For example, you forgive your partner when they’re cheated on you. You are communicating a message that you will tolerate boundary breaking. Whilst I’m not saying that this is a simple thing. To know how to react and respond when your partner is cheated, I would always advise that you be very clear about communicating what is and what isn’t acceptable to you.
How to prevent cheating
So how can you prevent your partner from cheating. Relationships are complex and personal. Not all answers can be summed up in a neat little list. However, there are few basic practices that you can do that will help prevent cheating from occurring in a relationship. Number one. If you’re at the dating stages of a relationship, ensure that you qualify for shade values and standards. This means if monogamy is important to you, find out whether or not they feel the same way. What about honesty and integrity. Are you aligned in terms of your basic views. Number two. Are you taking care of your basic human needs and is your partner taking care of theirs, how can you support each other without taking full responsibility in ensuring that everyone is getting their needs met, whether from the inside or the outside the relationship. Ensuring that everyone has the means and the freedom to get their needs met without compromising values or standards is critical in healthy. Interdependent rather than codependent relationships. Number three, are you clear on your boundaries and what you need to have in place to ensure that you take responsibility for your own behaviors. If you care about what standards you need to hold yourself to in order to keep working towards your own longer term goals. You’ll find it easier to stay true. To these self boundaries and lucky to soften down by sacrificing important goals for in the moment short term gratification. And in return will be level sitting high standards within the relationship. Number four, are you care about communicating the kinds of consequences that will protect the boundaries that are important to you. Being clear with yourself is the first step then communicating these to your significant other is the next step. Both important in ensuring that you in alignment with yourself and your partner.